THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
Disconnecting from Unhealthy Relationships
We choose the relationships we enter into, and sometimes it becomes necessary for us to disconnect from relationships that are not conducive to our moving forward in a healthy way. We can choose to disengage from any relation- ship, at any time, and for any reason.
No one is forcing us to stay connected to unhealthy relationships. And they are not always easy to let go of, especially if we have been connected to them for any extended amount of time. Sometimes unhealthy relationships are habitual, or disconnection is very complicated, or maybe life is just too comfort- able because change is hard.
Disconnecting does not have to have negative connotations. It also does not have to be permanent, although that may be necessary. It would be incred- ibly valuable to disconnect especially if the relationship does one or more of these three things. One is if the person or group draws us away from a focused and intentional relationship with God. When someone, or a group of someones, influences us to compromise our faith in God or our moral boundaries, it is time to disconnect. Second, the relationship has caused us to change to the point where we have become the very thing we despise in others. The Proverbs warn us of this very thing:
“Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.” (Prov. 22:24–25) “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Prov. 4:23) The third is if a person or group of people is taking advantage of us—we find ourselves on the giving end with no reciprocation. This is not referring to equality and mutual respect and admiration. This is when someone knows you have something they need or want, and they entertain a relationship with you only to continue benefitting from it.
Sometimes the disconnection only needs to be short to correct the issue, and then, if possible, reconnect through reconciliation. In coaching others, whether for life coaching or career coaching, I have come across several people who needed to follow the instructions to disconnect from a relationship for a short, pre-arranged time in order to regain strength, perspective, and to set aside the distraction of the relationship in order to work on what is important personally.
One person I coached had a close family relationship where it was evident there were some dysfunctional tendencies. For one thing, there were no bound- aries set in place. The family member would text, call or email at all times. This