THE ART OF HUMILITY
the good things we are experiencing and the areas where we need prayer. We know the trust is a solid brick wall, and it is easy to share without fear of criticism or rejection. We can each speak truth into the other’s life and understand we have the other’s best interest at heart.
I can’t even begin to tell you how much my friendship with Brian has meant to me and the lessons I have learned because of it. One primary lesson is the fact that people in healthy relationships need to be able to speak and receive the truth about the hurts they have experienced, whether done on purpose or not.
My actions do affect others, sometimes positively, but other times negatively. Someone does not have to tolerate my behavior just because it is “who I am.” Of course, they accept and love me for who I am, but my negative behavior does not need to be tolerated. Of course, I do not need to change to gain their accep- tance. However, Jesus tells us that we need to “love others as we love ourselves,” which means I should ask myself how I would want to be treated before I plow forward and hurt my loved ones. Would I want them to respect my relational boundaries? Absolutely!
Changing my behavior does not mean I am changing who I am at the core. It means I am honoring someone else above myself for the sake of the relation- ship. Therefore, respecting relational boundaries, especially of a close friend, means accepting the fact that I can negatively affect the lives of others and lose a friend if I remain indignant that others must tolerate my behaviors that have negative consequences in the relationship. I’m so glad Brian was able to tell me truthfully what I had done so I could apologize and correct my behavior going forward. Which brings me to the second lesson I learned because of Brian.
Speaking Truth Requires Emotional Consent
I’ll never forget the night when I opened up and shared a deep secret with Brian over the phone. It was one of the hardest nights of my life. However, he was there with no judgment, just listening, encouraging, and not trying to fix it or me. He listened with a heavy concern for my well-being. That was a humbling night, to say the least.
We had another conversation over the phone (I cannot remember when) the details of which have been a constant reminder to me of the importance and command found in James 4:10—”to humble myself before God and in due time He will lift me up.”
It was one of our semi-annual to quarterly check-ins. We were sharing our normal ups and downs, except this time Brian had to share something specifi- cally with me regarding a dream he had. After my joking with him that the Bible