THE ART OF HUMILITY
someone’s life only comes by permission. I had given Brian permission a long time earlier to speak into my life, and he had given it to me to speak into his life. If Brian and I had not developed a history of trust—implicit trust—with each other, the wound he inflicted by sharing this dream could have ripped a hole in our friendship. Something lacking in most leadership/mentoring relationship training is the idea of “emotional consent.” This is vital to relational growth and to become a better leader.
Even though what he shared hurt, it was incredibly effective. I have remem- bered that conversation on more than one occasion. I am reminded of it every time I go onto a platform or a stage to speak or teach. It helps me remember that I am only the medium God has chosen for that moment to speak life into the people who are listening.
When Brian and I talk on the phone after six months or even a year, it is like we simply pick up the conversation where we left off. We do not have any issue sharing the hard points of our lives, or even any fear of how the other will respond. There are no inhibitions in our discussion. Gratitude for our friendship over the years and our love for God are crucial elements of our relationship. Along with one other significant factor— humility.
Speaking and Receiving Truth Requires Humility
You see, Brian had asked permission to share that dream with me. He received my emotional consent. But it was in humility that he shared it. He didn’t automatically expect that I should listen to him. I had given Brian the permission to speak into my life, so also in humility, I needed to listen, process, and allow God to work in my heart to receive the words that were spoken.
When developing friendships with others, it is incredibly important to remember that just because you are friends does not mean you have permission to rebuke or speak into someone’s situation. It is healthy to ask permission ahead of time. This shows humility and respect for the other person.
I incorporate this concept into coaching sessions with others. Even though we have entered into an agreement, I never assume they want to hear what I have to say, especially if it is a rebuke or correction. I recognize that I may have the ability and power to do something, but I hold back for their sake. Asking permission to speak into someone’s life after developing the relationship raises the level of effectiveness.
Humility is also about recognizing our place in this world. Andrew Murray wrote a book entitled Humility. In this book, he sums up pretty well the lesson on humility and how we should view it.