THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
Victor Coetzee had been born in Zimbabwe, formerly Rhodesia (as he would always say). He met his wife, Suzanne, and they became missionaries to Puerto Rico. They served there faithfully until answering the call to come to the inner city of New Jersey and take over a small church in Paterson.
By now, you probably have a picture in your mind of what he looks like. It may blow your mind to know that he was a white man from Africa, who had become a missionary to Puerto Rico (fluent in Spanish) and moved to the inner city to lead a small group of blossoming leaders. In his time there, he led one of the most diverse groups of people (in status, background, and ethnicity) that I have experienced to date.
It could not have been more strategic for him to be in this position. Paterson was one of the tougher cities in New Jersey where not many people chose to live. As a matter of fact, I always said growing up that I would never live in New Jersey. Yet there I was living twenty minutes west of Manhattan as a white kid from Maryland with a lot to learn. I learned more in the first year of ministry with Pastor Coetzee than I had in all my years prior.
Before getting recruited as the new youth pastor of the Lighthouse, the board had a stack of resumes on their conference table made up of two eight-foot tables. After hiring me, they each told me in their own way that my resume had just “risen to the top,” and under the leadership of Pastor Coetzee, believed I was the person that God wanted for this church.
Even now, I believe it was this church that I needed. The example and growth for me personally, emotionally, and spiritually, especially during this first year outside of college, has shaped me and helped me to become the person I am today. Pastor Coetzee taught me some significant lessons about the art of influencing others, which I would like to share with you.
Teaching by Example
One Saturday in May, in a park just north of where the church was located, the families of the church converged into this green space with trees, grass, and playground equipment. I met Pastor Coetzee there early and found him unloading a van full of chairs and tables.
Some might wonder why a pastor of this size church was doing manual labor. For me, I didn’t ask. I just reached in and started to take the load and stand beside him. He could have delegated that responsibility, but he didn’t.
In a way, though, he actually did. He was teaching through his actions. He was exemplifying what he wanted all of us to do. He didn’t see himself as a leader above the work, but as a servant to all who God had placed under his leadership.