THE ART OF HONESTY
10-minute conversation and they average two to three lies during that short timeframe.” Dr. Bradberry goes on to report, “Most of the people in Feldman’s studies don’t even realize all of the lies they had told until after the conversation when it was played back to them on video.”^23
I don’t know about you, but that is disturbing. No wonder we have such trouble with relationships. Some of us believe it is okay to lie sometimes, like lies that are meant to protect another’s feelings. Make no mistake; lying has lasting effects. Any lie of any degree causes harm, both little white lies and big honking lies. The fact is any lie is an attempt to deceive. From what we discover in the Bible, God despises lies.
“There are six things the Lord hates, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.” (Prov. 6:16–19)
Notice that two of the top seven things God despises are about lying! When the Bible tells us these things, it is not meant to be another rule we have to follow just for the sake of the rule. All of the Ten Commandments, and all of what Jesus tells us in Matthew 22:37–39 has to do with two kinds of relationships: the one with him, and the one we have with each other. And one of the Ten Command- ments refers specifically to lying in how we relate to one another, “You shall not bear false testimony against your neighbor” (Exod. 20:16). This literally means we shall not lie about what our neighbor did or did not do, said or did not say.
Why does God have such a harsh stance against deception and lying? Because they are relationship killers. Honesty may separate, but if you need to lie to maintain a relationship, chances are there is no authentic relationship there at all. Even that is deception.
Imagine your world without lying and deception. What if it were impos- sible to lie? Well, for one, there would be no need for judges. And policemen would have a much less difficult time interrogating the perpetrator of a crime. Married relationships would be more open. People might even be less inclined to do something wrong if they knew they have to tell the truth.
Kids would not be able to get away with anything, and parents would know exactly what their kids were doing when asked where they are. Relation- ships would be way more authentic, and we would know beyond a doubt who we could be in a relationship with. We could tell all others exactly what we think, and it would be okay.
In relationship, it is vitally important to be honest, forthright, truthful, and