THE ART OF THE QUESTION
You have experienced it, and you have probably done it yourself: you ask someone you know, “How are you doing?” Their answer? “Fine.”
Most people will not offer anything more than that response. Brian asked me more direct questions that made me think. Now when I am continuing to get to know someone, I ask questions like, “What is the best thing that has happened to you this past week?” O r, “Is there something you are really looking forward to or planning in your life?” I may follow up with, “Is there something or someone in your life I can pray for that is weighing you down?”
These questions leave room for the person to decide how much to share and what to share. It is more meaningful than just asking how they are doing. The questions are not threatening, and they help you to get to know someone as they open up and share the answers with you. Often, they will return the same question in response, so make sure you have thought it through!
When you ask permission to ask deep questions, the conversation is less like a jail cell and more like freedom on the open road. You can take any avenue off the main path to discover together—things about each other that will enhance your relationship with the other. Then, when people come to your mind, you will automatically know how to pray for them.
Questions and Conflict
Quite often, even though we were created for relationship, sin and pride get between people. We hold our possessions in higher regard than our relationships sometimes. We often consider ourselves first which can be a hindrance to the relationship. We over-analyze someone else’s behavior or words until we have embellished the story in our minds so much that it separates us in relationship.
Conflict sucks. Even though it may seem some people thrive in conflict and almost seek it out to survive, I believe most of us would rather not have to deal with the emotions or thoughts that come along with the conflict.
Questions can open the window so you can air out grievances and get a better understanding of the conflict, but not questions like these,
“Why are you such an idiot?”
“What is wrong with you!?”
“Why can’t you understand your problem?”
For the obvious reason, these questions can be considered borderline verbal abuse. In any conflict, we would be wise to take a moment to settle our emotions and objectively think through what is going on before asking any questions. Then the questions we may wish to ask should help get to the heart