THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
inevitably have a picture in our mind of who we would get along with based merely on their appearance. Second, in a few short minutes, what can you really find out about a person other than how they look or how comfortable they may seem in a social (albeit controlled) setting? Also, we should be cautious about first impressions. What if someone was there to deceive us? How easy would it be to get lured into a bad relationship because we looked at outward appearances?
There was another man in the Bible, Samuel, who went to look for the next King of Israel. In 1 Samuel 16, we read how Samuel went through the selection process. Samuel ultimately chose young David, but at first, Samuel looked at all of David’s brothers, because all of them had exterior qualities that seemed more fitting for a king. However, God saw David’s heart and his inner qualities of strength, loyalty, and honor; that’s why He chose him.
Verse 7 says, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him [Eliab]. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
Many of us have heard that we need to perfect our “elevator speech” or we could lose potential customers or clients. A friend once told me of a story about going to a business gathering of owners and decision makers where each person was given one minute to tell the rest of them why they are “cool.” Imagine how awkward it would be to stand in front of other people and try to explain all the things about yourself that you believe make you “cool”—in sixty seconds! I’m sure it was complicated by the fact that every person in that room probably had a different interpretation of what “cool” is to them.
I could give example after example of how we continually judge someone by our own perceptions of who we wish to be friends with. However, one of the best examples I can give is a story of two women and one church.
Two Women, One Church
I pastored a church in Culver City inside of Los Angeles for almost six years. It was a re-church plant. In the first week of pastoring this little church, a husband and wife were feeling like our church could be a great fit for them to get involved. I invited them out to dinner along with my wife. We met at a Marie Calendar’s and enjoyed a nice meal together. During dinner, the husband and wife confessed that they were both unsure of placing themselves under the leadership of someone who was twenty-seven years old, a whole twenty-five years younger than they were.
Their first impression of my youth could have potentially caused them to