THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
Chains of Unforgiveness
“Unforgiveness chains us to the past, poisons the present and keeps us from what the Lord has for our future.” ~ Unknown
Chains are heavy. If you have ever carried a set of chains, you have felt their weight and also the relief when you put them down. Chains are used for many things, one of which is to confine, hold down, or keep someone or something within a certain limit. Many times, you will see chains on a prisoner in transport. Chains is a metaphor for bondage.
Like chains, unforgiveness is a weight we carry with us. We actually place ourselves in bondage when we don’t forgive. The control we think we have, we have actually submitted to the person who is the object of our unforgiveness.
Living with unforgiveness in our hearts toward others will slowly dismantle any healthy relationship piece-by-piece. I have witnessed it destroy marriages, family relationships, friendships, and slowly eat away at the health of two of my own family members.
We have all been hurt or offended, whether it is something said or done directly to us, or indirectly (i.e., gossip, throwing us under the bus, and so on). Frankly, it feels horrible. Not one person I have met likes to be hurt or offended. There are those who are quick to be offended (who we would label as “thin-skinned”). I know, because I used to be one of them and I still struggle with this today. Thankfully, there was someone in my life who came alongside me as a mentor and taught me how to have thicker skin—who taught me about forgiveness. He showed me there are two responses to being hurt and/ or offended. Either we allow unforgiveness to set in because we choose not to forgive them, or we can release ourselves from the offense or hurt by forgiving them. When we don’t forgive, it leads to five side effects of unforgiveness: bitterness, distrust, insecurity, anger, and resentment. Let’s start with bitterness.
Bitterness
“Unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else’s crime.” ~ Anonymous
Bitterness is a major side effect of unforgiveness. When we hold a grudge (bitterness), the only person who is really negatively affected is us. We continually remind ourselves about who and what caused the offense, opening the wound that was inflicted over and over again, never allowing it to heal.
I have seen bitterness literally begin to affect someone physically, causing