THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
a co-worker or employer
someone in leadership
When offenses are not dealt with in a healthy manner, walls are built—huge walls.
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” (Heb. 12:15)
Bitterness can strain our relationships. We begin to see others through the lens of the grudge; distrust grows into a stalwart tree and blocks us from experi- encing the warmth of other relationships. It is the root that grows to become that stalwart tree that cannot be moved. The only way to get rid of bitterness is to uproot it. It needs to be removed entirely.
Anger
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” (Eph. 4:31)
Unforgiveness can most definitely lead to anger, another side effect, which is a biological response to an external or internal trigger in our life. Some of these triggers may be the way someone says something to us (whether in an offensive way or bad tone), a betrayal, or simply a memory of a bad event in our life.
When the trigger is engaged, a chemical response happens in our brains, adrenaline is released, and we enter into “Fight, Flight, or Freeze” mode. Some of us instantly engage. Some of us avoid the confrontation. Still, others shut down altogether.
It is totally okay to experience anger. It’s not okay to hurt someone in our anger. This is why I believe Ephesians 4:26 (NIV) was written, “In your anger do not sin.” We can control our anger by learning the difference between reacting and responding.
For the most part, reacting to external stimuli doesn’t take much thought. It is almost immediate. A positive example of reaction is when someone is about to walk into a pole; you see it and yank them away from the impending knot to their head. A negative example of reaction is reading an email, then writing a long diatribe and hitting send before you have taken time to calm down. I think we all know how well that works out…
Responding takes more thought. To respond to an event, a comment, or even a threat is more calculated than a reaction. We decide to do this, whereas a reaction is usually immediate. A response can be immediate if we have already