THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
We were never meant to be alone. The Bible tells us, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). We were made for relationships so we can share our lives with other people—our hurts, dreams, disappointment, successes, and so on. But friendship takes connection; it takes reaching out to others, which can be difficult for many people.
Brené Brown, Ph.D. is an American Scholar, author, and public speaker, who is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She gave a TED talk on the power of vulnerability. Through her research, we can learn some fascinating things. She gave us two reasons why we don’t connect with others: fear and shame.
Fear in relationship believes if someone gets to know me for who I really am, they will reject me. For some of us, this comes across like this: “I’m fine alone. I don’t need other people. I’ve got this. Leave me alone.”
Shame in relationship believes, “I’m not enough—I’m not good enough; handsome/beautiful enough; talented enough; knowledgeable enough in Scripture; I’m not ___ enough.”
The trouble with this is that connection takes several things. It takes:
- confidence —believing you are who God says you are;
- authenticity —letting go of who we think we should be to be who we really are;
- vulnerability —embracing your insecurities and weaknesses; others have them too, so it is easier to connect;
- humility —a breakdown of pride.
If we wish to have friends, we need to be willing to connect with others. This means taking a risk, as anything worth having will have some level of risk attached. The danger, of course, is whether the other person we are trying to connect to wishes to reciprocate that connection. We cannot control how others will respond, but we can control whether we try or not. We can also work on our confidence, our authenticity, our vulnerability, and our humility that make connecting much more natural.
We are all connected in some way. Sitting on a plane, in a classroom, in church, at work, standing in line at a grocery store, walking in your neighbor- hood, living in the same town, coming from the same state, having kids— all of these are starting points that help us to connect with people at the most basic level. They are entryways to a relationship. They are connection points. The only