THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
tight, but my parents never made it seem like we needed anything. My dad looked for work, went out almost daily to find a job, and filled out applications with subsequent interviews.
Whether right or wrong, my dad chose to keep the family in Maryland and placed himself in a tight position. We could have lost our home. We may have had to move anyway, but at least we were all around our support system. It helped that our extended family on my dad’s side were all within an hour of where we lived.
As most children do, I have graphic memories of specific moments in my childhood. Some of them are good and some not so good. One such memory was hearing racial jokes in the house. It was mid- to late-1970s, and the civil rights decisions of the 50s and 60s were set, but there were residual behaviors that stayed long after.
I can remember hearing the “N” word in my house, especially when one person, in particular, would come to visit. I was young, but I remember thinking that I could not understand why anyone would think or act this way. We are all just people in the end.
My father searched and searched for a position in many different grocery stores. There was one that finally offered him a job in management. The name of the store was Super Allied (name changed for privacy) run by a CEO named Edward Kerns (name changed for privacy). Mr. Kerns, as my dad would call him, was a good man who provided a position for my father, saving our family from what would have been a tough road, if not for the income.
Mr. Kerns was an African American. My father, when hired, was the only white manager on staff and would remain the only white manager during his entire tenure there. My father did not divulge much of the following information until I was much older. The first day he met Mr. Kerns, he walked right up to my dad and said, “I guess someone may have told you by now, I don’t like white people very much.” To which my dad replied, “Give me six months, and I guarantee you will not have any problems with me.”
He never did have any further issues with Mr. Kerns. As a matter of fact, there was mutual respect and admiration that blossomed between them. My dad experienced a change in his life, in his perspective, and in his relationships. Some of the friendships that arose and developed with those of a different ethnicity became some of the closest he would ever have.
Even though he had developed meaningful friendships with these men, at the customer level, he wasn’t treated with as much respect. He told me stories of working in several of the Super Allied stores, where he was cussed out, using