THE ART OF ENCOURAGEMENT
may have done and then celebrate the best in that person. This is done in public and in private.
Third, as we continue to develop new friendships and connections, how we have treated others and how we have lived our lives, in private as well as in public, can determine the depth or level of relationship with them. As we honor current and past friendships with the new ones we are developing, you will find your community deepening and expanding in wonderful ways.
Rebuke with Permission Only
Is it possible to speak the truth without leaving a mark, to express it in love where the other person (although stung) receives it and applies it? The answer is a resounding yes!
If you have ever been on a playground, you’ve undoubtedly experienced young kids playing all around you, while the parents watch and enjoy a few minutes of rest on the sidelines. Inevitably, there is a parent that wants to tell you how you should raise your kids. I’m sure you have either observed this or have been the target of it.
Here is the scenario: your two-year-old, who is still learning social skills, doesn’t like something on the playground, so she picks up some sand to throw it at another child. Both parents jump up and run over but for different reasons. You run over to find out why your two-year-old threw the sand and to teach her that throwing sand was not an appropriate response.
The parent of the child who was the target of the sand runs over and rebukes you for not teaching your child proper playground etiquette. Instantly the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and now you want to throw sand at the other parent!
Rebuke, when it comes from a stranger or someone you barely know, will give rise to defensiveness with little to no resolution. A rebuke from a friend who has walked with you and you with them through trials, who understands you and possibly how you feel and loves you anyway, has earned the right to speak into your life, even a rebuke.
There is no question that a true friend has your best interest at heart, and they only want to help. Don’t get me wrong, just because someone is a friend does not mean we will automatically accept their rebuke. The rebuke happens, we react, then we think about the situation and remember their words. Their words may have had some sting to them, but just like a wound that needs to heal and causes pain in the process, so are the words of a rebuke from a friend. It hurts for a little while, but it is necessary to heal.